Tips for young players

Gisele Bundchen: if you're out there, read this.

Seriously, you've been a mum for 5 minutes. Just because your birth was 'painless' and you supposedly didn't gain any weight during your pregnancy and your baby is a 'little angel' doesn't mean you have to be so smug. We know you're a supermodel, you have shiny hair and you get paid to put your clothes on (and ironically, more often to take them off).

Motherhood is not a competition.

Hi honey, I'm home.

Hello everyone! I bet you were wondering where in the blaze I've been. Well, after a long and crazy year of blogging, it came time for me to take a little break from the business for a while..

So I jetted off to South America to do some trekking in Patagonia for a few weeks, chilled out (literally) near some glaciers, hung out with penguins, and travelled to the southern most city in the world. Hopefully, I haven't lost too many of you in my absence but I'm revitalised and ready for another holiday season of blogging from the frontlines in Chicago for the next month.

So to kick off my first blog post back from holidays, I was surprised to read The Army general of U.S. forces in Northern Iraq has banned pregnancy among military personnel in his command, even among married couples. Basically, if you get knocked up on deployment you will be court martialied. Ouch.

In other news, Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen have named their new baby Benjamin.

Not to mention talk of placenta smoothies and placenta holiday revenge...

But if you are really stumped on what to get your childless friend for Chrissie this year, how about Yotaro, a Japanese baby simulator?

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a stuffed animal bear with a 'baby' face projected on it

Pregnant with no bump

Supermodels don't get pregnant, according to London Fog.

Giselle Bundchen shot these ads with a noticeable bun in the oven but um..her bump is mysteriously missing from the images which will be shown in a new campaign starting in October. Dari Marder, Chief Marketing Officer, explains:

"Although Gisele was photographed while pregnant, most of the shots have been retouched to respect her privacy during this wonderful and personal time in her life."

Seriously, since when has Gisele or Tom Brady, for that fact, every been worried about their privacy? She announced she was pregnant weeks ago!

London Fog = fail.

Gisele Bundchen: mummy dearest

Brazilian supermodel/man-eater, Gisele Bundchen is notable today for speaking out on her recent marriage to footballer Tom Brady in Vanity Fair, breaking the uncomfortable silence surrounding the circumstances of their relationship. For those of you that have forgotten, Tom used to be with Bridget Moynahan (Natasha in Sex and the City). Tom and Gisele got together and then found out that Bridget was pregnant with Tom's child.

Bridge, if your reading VF this month, you might want to toss out your copy. Of Bridget and Tom's son, Gisele says,

"I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it's not like because somebody else delivered him, that's not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that's important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he's my son, from the first day."

Um yeah. That's nice and all but baby's got a mum, sweetheart. That's some nerve going in a national publication and talking about the child of a woman you have never met as your own, considering the circumstances of the breakup.

Read more: And God created Gisele