Working mums are bad mums

Welcome to this week's first cautionary tale.

Headlines are blazing upon the announcement of data from a UK study declaring "Working mothers' children unfit". What do they mean? Oh well, that apparently women who work more than 20 hours per week end up with fat, lonely and basically maladjusted 5 year olds.

And they didn't even bother to look at the male partners because they decided that the women's working hours fluctuated more. Professor Catherine Law, who led the study, is careful to state that this study does not mean that women should not work, rather parents need to be better supported. But seriously. This is the same research group that found that children are more likely to be overweight by the age of 3 if their mothers work. These results will inevitably be used against women in some form or another.

Sally Russell, a spokesman for Netmums, said: "The stress and guilt associated with being a working mum is something we are all too well aware of. This report adds to that guilt.

"With many more mums having no choice but to work these days and with government policy actively encouraging it, it is difficult to know how mums can do better. "

We should be applauding mothers for returning to work and managing their households and not 1) not punishing them for working out of desire or necessity or 2) pitting women who work and women who do not work in paid employment against one another. This research, whether it was intented or not, only fuels already entrenched debates about motherhood and who is a 'good' mum and who is a 'bad' mum.

This and that!

OMG. You are probably so cross with me for disappearing for a week without warning. Well, let me tell you, it's been one busy week for me and pretty slow week for pregnancy news. I'll save the details for another day and get on with what I do best. Here is a smattering of things on my radar:

So, I'm amused to see the US News and World Report's 7 Strategies for a Successful Maternity Leave. What I find particularly funny (or perhaps ironic?) is that strategising about your maternity leave is really only necessary when you actually have maternity leave. Even more amusing is the tip to 'Find Good Child Care' while you are on maternity leave. If any woman here in Melbourne actually waited until her baby was actually born to work on childcare, no one would have care until the kid was three. Ladies here get on the waiting lists at the first whiff of pregnancy.

And if this isn't a cautionary tale, I don't know what is, in spite of the researcher's warning that the research should not be used to prevent women from choosing to terminate their pregnancies. I can just see the pro-life lobby falling over themselves to find a way to use this new 'risk' to challenge choice.

Australian obs are pissed off with Health Minister Nicola Roxon after accusations that they have been raising their fees as much as 20% by taking advantage of the existing Medicare safety net. Come January, however, Roxon is cutting them off when Medicare refunds are capped. According to new reports, the increase in charges helped turn obstetricians into millionaires with the highest earning 10 per cent of obstetricians now earning $1.8 million a year - $1.1 million of which comes from Medicare. Perhaps another reason to go with a midwife!

And finally, while I'm happy that Kim Clijsters made such a spectacular 'comeback' to tennis this week winning the US Open, I'm annoyed (again) that the fact that she is a mother somehow makes this astonishing victory more astonishing. Clijsters is a great player; why are our expectations so low for women when they rebound from motherhood?

Britain's oldest mum back to work

Welcome back to moral panic Monday.

Elizabeth Adeney, Britain's 'oldest mum' has given birth to her first son at the age of 66 back in May to a phalanx of media scrutiny. Criticised for being too old, a divorcee and for accessing IVF in the Ukraine, Adeney refused to talk to the media noting that she felt young at heart.

Now, poor Adeney is being slammed for returning to work 4 weeks after giving birth. Adeney was spotted being driven to work by a friend, leaving her newborn son Jolyon, with a live-in nanny. As Adeney gave birth by caesarean the Daily Mail further criticises her, speculating that her caesarean scars probably have not been given a chance to heal properly:

"Sue Jacob, adviser to the Royal College of Midwives, said: 'Hormonally women are still very delicate after four weeks and caesarean scars will not have healed properly. Babies still need the consistency of a mother's attention at this point and new mums especially will be exhausted.
'There's no reason why women should not carry on with their careers as soon as they are able. But it's only a select few women who are able to get the support necessary to do this. It isn't what we expect normal, ordinary women to be able to do."

As I said in an earlier post, the issue of having IVF at 66 and being an 'older' mum are actually separate issues. Elizabeth Adeney owns her own company, has a fabulous home and the ability to hire the support that she needs in order to help her be a good mother. I don't see why Adeney having a child at 66 is any different from older men like Larry King having young children well into their 70s. What really bothers me is that Adeney's reported 'desperate' desires for children throughout her life is being used against her. It's like, 'How on Earth could this women conceivably return to work *shock horror* when she wanted a child so badly'? GIve me a flipping break. Celebs return to work 2 minutes after they have babies and most of them use nannies and whomever else they can to help them get through the day as career women, wives/partners and mothers. If Adeney wants to go back to work, why is it anyone's business but her own?

No maternity leave is the new maternity leave

F*%cking fashion magazines.

According to W, the uber-hip style mag for women who wear clothing sizes smaller than their show sizes, maternity leave is sooooo 5 minutes ago and returning to work in 2 weeks or less is the new sine qua non of power mum status.

"In an era when France’s justice minister recently gave birth on a Friday and attended a cabinet meeting the following Wednesday—and when, more famously, Sarah Palin took just three days off from her Alaskan gubernatorial duties after the birth of her fifth child—an increasing number of women are making childbirth look, if not like magic, certainly a lot easier than it was for their mothers by taking mere weeks, not months, off from work."

Women in the story describe feeling torn between work and home, pressured to by their employers to go back to work in record time, fear of financial insolvency and pumping their breasts in their corner offices while, as one gal remembered “The UPS man [at my office] saw more boob in the last couple years than in his teenage heyday." Rather than thinking about these mums as superwomen for juggling home and work, you feel like this is a remarkably sad state of affairs that only reaffirms what most working mothers have been complaining about for decades.

I find it interesting that the women who went back to work fairly soon after giving birth, justify their decisions by suggesting that their children are more well-adjusted as a result. One woman, however, hired a nanny to look after her child while she worked and this clearly changes the terms of the game. As most women can't even conceive of affording a private nanny, it's sort of like, 'Duh' of course the transition back to work was easier. Realising she had more time for herself, this woman says:

“When Coco was born, I would never even have a babysitter on the weekend. I was really moral about it. And as joyous as those moments were, part of it was slightly miserable,” she admits. “I was being too much of a martyr to the mom world.”

Yikes. I'm all for women's choices, working or not, whatever. I don't know about you, but I sort of cringe at this woman's surprise at feeling like a martyr to her children. Isn't parenthood (and not just mothers are involved in this) about sacrificing most of yourself to your child for the formative years of their early life? I mean isn't that what parents do?

Read more: Born Yesterday

Jeri Ryan loses weight and says sayonara to maternity leave

Law & Order star, Jeri Ryan has admitted that seeing her year of maternity leave come to a close had her in tears. "I cried," Ryan, 41, admitted about the first time she left day Gisele in Los Angeles to go to work on the NBC show in New York. "It was especially hard since I've been with her nonstop since she was born." The actress also mentioned to People that it took her a year to lose the 28 lbs gained during her pregnancy and that it was not easy: "It took me 10 months to get back to normal," says Ryan, whose exercise regime consists of Pilates three times a week. "It was a little frustrating, but I realize it's harder to take the weight off when you're 40."

Source: Jeri Ryan cries over ending maternity leave

Motherhood and ballet do mix

I've written about pregnant ballet dancers before but would you ever believe that the Australian Ballet has introduced one of the country's most flexible family/maternity leave policies?

As pregnancy can be the ultimate career-ender for dancers, the Australian Ballet has introduced 14 weeks post-natal paid leave; leave for fathers, flexible safe duties for pregnant dancers, the opportunity for families to travel and stay together on tour, assistance with air fares and accommodation, and support in maintaining peak fitness in preparation for a return to their previous dancing roles.

Now Australian ballerinas do not have to worry as much about choosing between motherhood and dancing. This is great news considering most dancers leave at the peak of their careers in order to have families.

Source: http://www.theage.com.au/national/ballet-dancers-keep-in-step-with-family-life-20090214-87q2.html?page=1

Dati back at work and causing more firestorms

French Justice Minister, Rachida Dati has returned to work 5 days after having a caesarean section and giving birth to her first daughter...

And the 'French feminists' (sure, blame the femmos) are enraged and Dati for setting a poor example. French women are entitled to 16 weeks paid maternity leave.

"This is scandalous," said Maya Sturduts from the National Collective for the Rights of Women.

"Employers can now use this to put pressure on women", she said, especially during the current tough economic times when employers may be looking for excuses to cut staff.

Others are claiming that Dati 'had' to return to work, lest she lose her place in male-dominated political circles.

Not sure how I feel. Pregnancy is not an illness. Women shouldn't be judged for returning to work quickly. On the other hand, it would be so sad to think that this women, upon the joyous birth of her first child, felt she would lose her credibility as a politician if she took the maternity leave she is legally entitled to take.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/8mnhax