Gwyneth Paltrow needs dose of reality

Once again Gwyneth Paltrow confirms just how out of touch with reality she really is. In response to a GOOP reader's query about combining a successful career with motherhood, Paltrow's answer is simple: a $2,300 coffeemaker, a personal trainer, and an assistant.

If only actresses could get a clue..

Once upon a time, I used to really like Gwyneth Paltrow. She maintained some semblance of down-to-earthness in spite of her elite family and private school upbringing.

Then one day, the lovely actress who wore the bubblegum pink Ralph Lauren gown to the Oscars, had children and got married. The down-to-earth girl became this evil, warty Mother Superior. As if overnight, everything Gwyn did was better than everything else. She started an arrogant Martha Stewart wannabe website called GOOP with the goal of trying to 'enrich' the lives of everyday people (but let's face it, she's writing for women), most of whom don't have a clue what a macrobiotic diet is and buy their clothes at K-Mart.

Gwyn has been in cohoots with trainer to the stars, Tracy Anderson, herself under fire for her spouting her mouth about why being skinny is the only path to happiness. But that's another story for another day.

Today, Gwyn blabbed to the Associated Press about working out post-pregnancy. While she admits that getting the weight off was no small feat (back in my good books), she immediately says that women should 'make time' and have no excuse not to exercise (oh Gwyn, back in my bad books). Specifically:

"Every woman can make time - every woman - and you can do it with your baby in the room," she said. "There've been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work, and if it's important to you, it'll be important to them."

Hmm. Gwyn, let's just focus on the fact that you had Tracy Anderson come to your house everyday to exercise with you. You did not have to actually go anywhere with your kids to exercise or find a gym with a childcare or a willing grandparent/friend to look after your kids so you could exercise. That's right. YOU HAVE A GYM IN YOUR HOUSE.

What pisses me off even more is that you undoubtedly have had a hand in the new Tracey Anderson Post-pregnancy workout DVD.

1) Tracy Anderson is hardly a role model for post-pregnant women who feel crap about their post-pregnancy bodies 2) Neither are you.

SHUT UP.

Cardio dance your baby weight off

Tracy Anderson, the woman who helped Gwyneth Paltrow lose her pregnancy pounds, is opening up a gym in TriBeca with Paltrow as her silent partner. Remember when I posted a video clip of Paltrow bouncing around like a complete idiot doing her 'cardio dancing' on Oprah a while back? (If you have since forgotten, here is a refresher: http://babybumpproject.blogspot.com/2008/09/jlo-and-gwyneth-working-it-out.html

Anyway, you can have Paltrow's post-baby body if you are willing to pay $900 month in gym fees. In addition to the monthly dues, members must pay an initiation fee of $787.50 for six months or $1,500 for a year. Actually, you can't really get Gwyn's bod even if you pay. Tracy Anderson basically lives with Paltrow and Madonna depending on whose career is in higher gear, while working with the other through video chats and custom DVDs, or by dispatching one of her associate trainers. Last summer, she trained Madonna during the day in Manhattan and took the train almost every day to the Hamptons to put Ms. Paltrow through a workout in the evening.

Um yeah...

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/fashion/08trainer.html?partner=rss&emc=rss

Paltrow: off my list!

Gwyneth. What's happened? I thought we had an understanding. You were one of the only 'normal' celebrities left.

Looks like Oprah now has some competition for 'world's biggest narcissist'.

Gwyneth Paltrow has launched her own 'lifestyle' website which is basically a template for how to be like....her! Just when you thought she couldn't get more pretentious, she's named the site 'GOOP: nourish the inner aspect'. First of all what the heck is 'GOOP'?

She claims on the only fully finished page of the site that she wants you to invest in a 'real' life....

I say her life is 'good' because she is Gwyneth-frickin-Paltrow and she has lots of money to make it 'good'.

Seriously wtf?!

Check it: www.goop.com

J.Lo and Gwyneth working it out

J.Lo has announced that she just started using a nanny but that nevertheless, she spends 'every free moment with the babies'.

Somehow, I don't really believe that.

Lopez is apparently happy with her post-baby body. "The triathlon really helped get me in better shape, and snapped me back into my body. I don't weigh myself a lot. I still have 10 lbs., or so. [But] I don't have any problems with it. I never felt I had to get rid of it."

Gwyneth Paltrow also wanks on to Oprah about her post-baby fitness regimen and you can watch a video of her working out with the trainer she shares with Madonna. You can see her bouncing around doing this ridiculous cardio dance routine. I would be embarrassed to have this footage out in the public domain.

Watch it here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/17/gwyneth-paltrows-exercise_n_127243.html

Sources: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20226785,00.html
http://www.usmagazine.com/news/gwyneth-paltrow-i-cant-diet

Gwyn Paltrow: off the list!

Oh man. Gwyneth used to be on my 'celebrities who appear to be down-to-earth' list until I caught a preview of the latest issue of American Bazaar on my favourite fem/media website Jezebel. Anyway, in a feature on 'Beauty at Every Age', the normally self-deprecating mum of two is quoted as saying in the photo above:

"I don't want to look like a mother who doesn't care."

Well Gwyn, the mothers of the world out there who 'don't care' about how they look would like to clear a few things up:

How many stylists did it take to get you all spruced up for this photo shoot? Do you normally wear 5 inch stilettos when you are playing with your kids? Since when did sequins become daywear?

And another thing. I assume you also normally wear trousers because, girlfriend, that is not a dress.

I vaguely remember you mentioning that in order to look like that (you know, like you care) you spent hours and hours with Madonna's trainer kicking your arse into gear before your last movie, Iron Man, premiered. I think you also mentioned how you had to start 'listening to your body' because living on macrobiotic food isn't fun for anyone.

So Gwyn. Here's the thing. You're a hypocrite. You complain about celebrities being held to unreasonable standards as mothers (especially when it comes to the size of your bodies) and yet, you have, in one linguistic sting, merely reinforced that same awful proposition that mothers are only 'good' enough when they look fabulous at all costs. Kids don't care what outfits their mothers are wearing.

Sequins or tracky-daks, mate, it's love that counts.

Source: http://jezebel.com/397464/40-pages-of-harpers-bazaar-may-spell-the-death-of-all-journalism

Gwyneth Paltrow: happy to erase all traces of motherhood

In a new interview with V magazine, Gwyn Paltrow describes how much she hated her post-pregnant body. After gaining 3 stone with Moses, she says:

"I didn't mind the big boobs. But I hated the stomach roll, the back fat and the post-pregnant butt. And it was so hard to get rid of. Especially the final 20lb."

I find this sort of commentary really confronting. Sure, I love the fact that Gwyn is being honest but I'm really getting sick of this complete disavowal of the post-baby body in the media. That somehow the photos above represent Gwyneth Paltrow better or are 'more beautiful' than the person she was immediately after having her babies. I'm troubled by the implication that the body in those photos is different to the body she had when she was pregnant or post-pregnancy.

What I find really interesting (and this is something I'm trying to sort out in my PhD work at the moment) is that there is this perception that the bodies that you have before, during and after pregnancy are actually different when in fact, it is the same body in different forms. What I mean is that surely Gwyn looks all raunchy and emo in the magazine cover shots but the truth is that is exactly the same body that she had just a few years ago, fat rolls and all, in a different form. You cannot get rid of fatness; it's always inside our bodies whether it is visible on the surface or not. The very ambiguity of fat (not a liquid that seeps, not inside or outside the body) means that it cannot be expelled physically or psychologically. It is through specific interactions and locations and in specific contexts that fatness becomes real for women and pregnancy is one such time. The constant emphasis on fatness and thinness, and more prominently the praise given to celebs who shed baby weight quickly is symptomatic of a culture that continually forces us to believe that fat is something that we can get rid of entirely. The truth is that for most women, there is no such thing as an 'ideal weight' because even when they reach their 'ideal' it is never enough. The fat is always there and to maintain anything resembling 'ideal' requires that women constantly monitor their diets and their bodies in order to stave off visible fat a little longer. In this way, fat never leaves. It is always in our bodies, constantly threatening to creep to the surface and Gwyn's 'hot mamma' post-baby photos are deceiving for exactly this reason. Paltrow knows that she will always have to maintain a specific diet and exercise regimen in order to keep her fat at bay.

I've spent the last three weeks thinking about fatness exclusively...can you tell? And by the way, apologies for the recent spate of short posts. My dissertation is due...very, very frighteningly soon.....

Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1020274/Gwyneth-Paltrow-reveals-I-vices-poses-sexy-basque.html